SPIRAL

So, here I am again, late on making a new post, not being consistent. I'm kind of feeling like things are just down falling. Nothing is really going to exact way I want it to or plan it to... but I guess thats just life. Anyway, the point of this post is that I've gotten back into dance, but as quickly as that started it ended. The dance studio just wasn't for me. I don't know, I just feel as if my life is doing the same thing it did in the middle of junior year. Just spiraling. *Movie Reference* Its like I'm in Coney Island and and on the tea cup ride, and they keep going faster and faster and they won't slow down. The ride doesn't stop it just keeps going. *If you can guess that movie your perfect* Maybe I'm just crazy, maybe I'm just someone who just doesn't belong with anybody other than immediate friends and family. I'm just ready for some adventure, which I definitely got in New York, which I will blog about shortly. But not stressful adventure, not that NY was stressful, just tiring. Some adventure where I can be myself, and just let go for once. I haven't done that in so long, and I don't mean let go as in start drinking, or partying because I'm not about that life. I'm talking about just feeling free and happy for more than a few hours. Maybe I should start making some changes in life, although I really don't have much that I think needs to be changed. I just want to let go without feeling judged or scared to be myself, and I haven't felt that way in so long... and thats a bad thing in my eyes. The only place I'm myself is when I'm alone or with one or two other people. I'm just ready to get older, and I know, EVERY kid says that... but I'm serious. I'm ready to be my own person and do what I want, when I want, and how I want. And I'm not disrespecting anyone, I just don't like being a puppet. I guess you could say I'm just not happy right now, and this is the second time its been this way since I've been this age. In junior year I had a lot of anxiety because of a certain class... and a lot of people thought I was overreacting and I felt like I could talk to nobody, like I was just alone and everyone thought I was being dramatic. But I'd burst into tears doing homework for that class, after that class I'd be in a horrible mood (which was quickly turned back happy thanks to my amazing U.S. History teacher ), but I thought I was going to need medication to be able to remain sane. And I feel like I'm just repeating that spiral... and I don't know why, I have hardly anything to do, no HUGE responsibilities, so maybe its all in my head... anyway, sorry that this post was a little boring and maybe just stupid. Or depressing. Either way I'm sorry if you had a horrible time reading it. But this is my blog and its about me, maybe this is where I belong. Writing about life one day at a time. Again, I just don't know right now. Well, I'll post my trip in NY tomorrow, and I'll try to make this blog like my therapist. God knows I need one. Just kidding (not).

-K

UNEVENTFUL

Well, I've had kind of an uneventful weekend except for a portion of Friday and Saturday. I went to a carnival with my family Friday and me and my mom rode a few rides and I don't think I've ever laughed so hard! My head hit the back of one ride so hard but my laughing was blocking out the pain! Saturday me and Shayne went fishing at a pond! It was really fun and we brought along Lilly and Beau! They loved the water and being with us, we didn't catch any fish sadly so we went and ate. Then we also went to the carnival but made the mistake of riding rides. We rode two and I've never gotten sick on a ride before but then I swore I could've threw up all over Shayne. If he hadn't already. Sunday was pretty uneventful, and my attempts at studying failed because I already know must of the information for my finals. I only have 3, one being Anatomy (Tears of joy, just kidding). Im ready for this year to be over with! Only two more days! I couldn't be happier! I hate final days though because we have to stay two hours in one class room for the test... and that isn't fun, it gets boring really fast. I guess it just seems longer that way. Beau had a new habit of being under my feet, ALL THE TIME.  It's extremely annoying and I don't know how to break him of it. . . I regret calling him around so much when he was little because I wanted him by me. . .now he's just a huge momma's boy! The only thing I did productive today was write this blog post, and I did 30 minutes of exercise and 3 hours of Barre!!! My legs are so going to feel the burn tomorrow!!

-K

WINTER & SPRING

Well, where has the time gone? My last post was in December, and it was a Blogmas fail. I'm quite certain I failed at blogging in as whole. I guess this was a much needed post, and will be an update. Shayne and I are doing great, we got to spend our 2 year anniversary together (unlike last year) and it was amazing! We went to a steakhouse, then we drove on Route 66 and stopped at a soda place, we bought some drinks and went to the lake and stayed for a few hours, talking and enjoying our soda. Honestly I can't remember Valentine's Day (whoops) , which is actually before our anniversary, but considering I don't remember it this is all I have to say about it! March didn't bring very much of anything, as far as I can remember, although I think this is the month I started my youtube channel, which kind of failed as well, I'm waiting until summer to start doing videos again. April I celebrated Easter with my family which is always fun. Fast-forwarding to what I can remember: May. So today marks 5 days of school left until summer. I got sick again this spring with something similar to strep throat. And for those of you who know me, I often get strep, even though I have my tonsils taken out. Shayne along with me and also Carson AND lastly Mackenzie. One of the days we were excused for school, we all felt fine so we went to the zoo! It was really fun, and although I have lots of pictures I've decided not to upload them, mainly because of my laziness. Lilly is still adorable as always, she was fully grown when I started this blog so she is still the same! Beau has grown TREMENDOUSLY. I look back at the pictures on this blog and my reaction is just dumbfounded. Here's some updated Beau pics, plus some "Doggy Family" pictures!

So obviously Beau has gotten older along with us. To put this in perspective; This is my last summer where I'm going back to school, this is the final days of my junior year, my last summer truly as a kid, next year I'm graduating, next year I'm taking 4 college classes, later this year I'll be 18. This year came and went so incredibly fast. I never really grasped the full meaning of "Life passes with a blink of the eye." It really does, I didn't think it earlier in my life, but now I reflect on the times I wish I would've cherished more deeply.

Well thats all for now!
-K