SPIRAL

So, here I am again, late on making a new post, not being consistent. I'm kind of feeling like things are just down falling. Nothing is really going to exact way I want it to or plan it to... but I guess thats just life. Anyway, the point of this post is that I've gotten back into dance, but as quickly as that started it ended. The dance studio just wasn't for me. I don't know, I just feel as if my life is doing the same thing it did in the middle of junior year. Just spiraling. *Movie Reference* Its like I'm in Coney Island and and on the tea cup ride, and they keep going faster and faster and they won't slow down. The ride doesn't stop it just keeps going. *If you can guess that movie your perfect* Maybe I'm just crazy, maybe I'm just someone who just doesn't belong with anybody other than immediate friends and family. I'm just ready for some adventure, which I definitely got in New York, which I will blog about shortly. But not stressful adventure, not that NY was stressful, just tiring. Some adventure where I can be myself, and just let go for once. I haven't done that in so long, and I don't mean let go as in start drinking, or partying because I'm not about that life. I'm talking about just feeling free and happy for more than a few hours. Maybe I should start making some changes in life, although I really don't have much that I think needs to be changed. I just want to let go without feeling judged or scared to be myself, and I haven't felt that way in so long... and thats a bad thing in my eyes. The only place I'm myself is when I'm alone or with one or two other people. I'm just ready to get older, and I know, EVERY kid says that... but I'm serious. I'm ready to be my own person and do what I want, when I want, and how I want. And I'm not disrespecting anyone, I just don't like being a puppet. I guess you could say I'm just not happy right now, and this is the second time its been this way since I've been this age. In junior year I had a lot of anxiety because of a certain class... and a lot of people thought I was overreacting and I felt like I could talk to nobody, like I was just alone and everyone thought I was being dramatic. But I'd burst into tears doing homework for that class, after that class I'd be in a horrible mood (which was quickly turned back happy thanks to my amazing U.S. History teacher ), but I thought I was going to need medication to be able to remain sane. And I feel like I'm just repeating that spiral... and I don't know why, I have hardly anything to do, no HUGE responsibilities, so maybe its all in my head... anyway, sorry that this post was a little boring and maybe just stupid. Or depressing. Either way I'm sorry if you had a horrible time reading it. But this is my blog and its about me, maybe this is where I belong. Writing about life one day at a time. Again, I just don't know right now. Well, I'll post my trip in NY tomorrow, and I'll try to make this blog like my therapist. God knows I need one. Just kidding (not).

-K